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Alexa Wildish

by Alexa Wildish

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1.
Weightless 04:12
Weightless by Alexa Wildish I’m all hummingbird inside My chest trembles constantly It’s always buzzing in my veins Telling me I’m not ok I’ve run empty trying to catch this thing My laughter fills up all the space Around someone I want to know me Words are crowding in my mouth Choking as I spit them out God, I’m reeling it’s unbearable I’d carry an anvil in my hands So I could feel the heft of where I stand I’d crush myself Under the comfort of control I’d rather be flattened than feel weightless and alone Finish all my sentences, before I think of what to say Please make me shut up I know I’m too much So fast I’m almost invisible I’d carry an anvil in my hands So I could feel the heft of where I stand I’d crush myself Under the comfort of control I’d rather be flattened than feel weightless I’m fine I’m fine I’m all hummingbird inside Life vibrating endlessly What If I could let this fly? Would I circle the whole sky?
2.
Save Face 04:20
Save Face by Alexa Wildish As an hour passes by, I wait for the call, for your excuses And no matter how I feel, I hold it inside so you won’t leave I built a dam to humble all this power, took a river down to a trickle I’m disintegrating I don’t say what I need to say But I’ll save face, like I’ve learned to do I won’t get mad I’ll save face, I will shelter you It hurts but you won’t know how bad Before we met I used to think, That I could trust my own compass Then the luster in my eyes magnetized to you Was mesmerized, turned by your pull Fuzed my heart yours I’m disintegrating I can’t say what I need to say But I’ll save face, like I’ve learned to do I won’t get mad I’ll save face, I’ll shelter you It hurts but you won’t know how bad Maybe I’ll let go Of control Maybe I won’t Maybe I won’t, maybe I won’t try Underneath the silver moon, we stand so pale, hearts pried open And you ask me for some time- to know your own self- to set us free I hear the words that should have come from me Petrified by what I most need I’m disintegrating, I won’t say what I need to say So I’ll save face cause it’s all I know And all I’ve been shown I’ll save face, and you’ll leave me And I’ll be on my own
3.
The Well 04:03
The Well by Alexa Wildish I walked up to the edge, almost jumped right in Stood there in my nakedness, I felt drenched in sin But then I fell to my knees, cried into the well Realized that I was good, my mind had made my hell The water, the water revealed to me 
Looked down at my reflection, staring back at me I could see my past regrets, but they rippled like a dream Now, inside the mirror, clear as it can be 
I see I’m pure and holy now, and I’ve always been The water, Oh the water reveals to me How I’ve seen a change Giving up on fear In this love I’ve found within I can meet you there 
I feel such compassion surging like a sea You can take what I am giving and give it right back to me {I} once felt myself drowning in my shame and guilt 
But now the pain has washed away, with every trace of doubt The water, Oh the water reveals me How I’ve seen a change Giving up on fear In this love I’ve found within I will meet you there
4.
Magic Hours 03:27
Magic Hours by Alexa Wildish In these Magic Hours Held in your spell, you mapped my stars With colors surrounding us On a busy canvas You painted over all the places I would not look And revealed your work Oh you must love me so In these Magic Hours You drew me out from under my own blanket of doubt You saw me hiding there In your quiet song, you invited all of me to join with my voice So that more could hear Oh you must love me so When time has slowed down, I sing your poetry out loud In your reflection, I can see the depths of me In these Magic Hours All the melodies began to wheel around me Like saturn’s rings You were blazing through me And you danced with me out to the infinite With more grace than I ever knew Oh I must love you so For me to know
5.
Invocation 02:32
Invocation by Alexa Wildish I’ve traveled far so I could I know the boundless ocean of this soul I've journeyed on the warrior's way led from my heart, the wise ones say and every word my heart could write came from each sun and hallowed night under the soil, I learned to sew seeds of my hurt so love could grow a flower blossoms toward the sky with a prayer and humble sigh I’m tall with grace because of you you are my roots, you’ve made me new
6.
Refuge 03:44
Refuge by Alexa Wildish Walking beside you, holding your hand You voice all your thoughts, your manic desire to end To kill off the you that’s pretend By crossing the border to buy your own gun You aim to convince me this is only way through I’m here to listen to you I’m here, I love you and that’s all I know I won’t try to fix you, push or persuade you, or change the way you feel I’ll be your refuge, a place you can go You've suffered for so long, let me hold you, show you something real Caught in the wind of your merciless fear I’m spun around, turning my heart to the pain Shaken by how we’re the same I see the madness that rushes on through And all my old wounds are mirrored in you We both want the freedom to lay down the armor we bear I’m here, I love you and that’s all I know I won’t try to fix you, push or persuade you, or change the way you feel I’ll be your refuge, a place you can go You’ve suffered for so long, let me hold you, show you something real I feel your heart beating under your skin the quiver of life gently caressing my hand

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released January 17, 2020

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Alexa Wildish Boulder, Colorado

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